I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Still dying that you shit outside
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize