We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
