So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
