Just fell off a train. Bad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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