the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
