god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
