I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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