its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
