so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize