he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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