Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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