this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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