I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize