Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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