I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
