why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
