her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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