I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
