And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
