I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
