The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't deserve a penis
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
