Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
