who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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