Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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