This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
