i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
