That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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