i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
