If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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