My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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