I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
