I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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