Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
