I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
