i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
