this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Welp...herpes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
