I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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