the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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