Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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