It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
