are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
