Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
