We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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