My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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