like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
