1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize