i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
