i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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