We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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