dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just tell him i said nine months
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
