i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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