Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
