just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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