Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
