Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
