I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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