I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
