Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
