just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
