some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
