Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
