remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
