The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
