i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
