this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
