I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
