I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
