its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
