So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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