yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
