Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize