Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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