So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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