I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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