Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
