Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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