why didn't you poke me back
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
