I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
