"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
