He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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