Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
