you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
