My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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