It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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