i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize