Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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