can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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