those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
