Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
