we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
