omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
