No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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