what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sext me about skeletons
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
