I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
