I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize