Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
