My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
