just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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