Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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