she was so not down for the gang bang
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
