Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize