I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize