I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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