I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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