i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
