I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
